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Question by Maryam: Why are some stay at home moms so judgmental about moms who take their kids to daycare?
They argue that they had to make a lot of financial sacrifices to be able to stay at home with their kids; well, some mothers literally cannot live if they give up their jobs. Should women who are unable to leave their jobs never have children?

Best answer:

Answer by Mama of Zee
People make judgments to feel better about their decisions. Where in reality, people are making tradeoffs in all cases.

I wouldn’t sweat it. As long as you KNOW you’re doing right by your child, what others think is irrelevant.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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9 Comments

  • Ethan, Sophie, and Ella's mom

    I think it goes both ways. I’m a SAHM and feel like people think I’m either too stupid to have a job or too lazy to do anything. I’m always asked what soap operas I watch or how long do I stay in my pj’s during the day.

    Yeah, we had to work on a budget so I could stay at home. But, this is the choice we made WAY WAY before having children. We are very very blessed for my husband to be able to support us and I’m thankful every day.

    But, I don’t judge working moms. We all do what is right for our family. End. of. story.

  • Ignore those people. Every mother does what they think is right for the child.

  • im not judgemental, I just chose to work and have my kids with a parent at all times, we work alternating shifts so i know who is watching my children, I know not all people can do that, id actually loose money if I put my son in daycare, it costs more then I make

  • ♦ мυιяєии яóιѕ ♦

    Some people get really worked up over how other people decide to raise their children. Just look on this section any day and you’ll see all sorts of judgmental people. Every choses how to raise their child in their own way, and I see nothing wrong with that.

    My niece’s mother is working. Why? So she can afford to FEED HER CHILD. My brother minds the child the days she’s at work, and she minds the child the days he’s at university. Some people can’t afford to stay at home. It’s nice that some can, but others need the money.

    And plus, a woman shouldn’t have to give up her whole life just because she has children. It’s absolutely possible to have a career AND raise healthy, happy children.

  • I work but I have my partner take care of our son whilst I do so, he works an opposite shift to me. My son isn’t an easygoing baby and besides me being unable to afford childcare, he wouldn’t enjoy it.

    I don’t judge stay-at-home mothers. I sincerely wish with all my heart that I was in their position, but I’m not. I have to deal with the guilt of not seeing every moment of my son’s rapid development every time I clock onto my shift, so I really don’t appreciate judgement from mothers who are that lucky. Putting food onto my family’s table and paying the rent is more important… It’s just something I have to deal with.

  • Ugh, breastfeeding, formula, stay at home, work, co sleeping…whatever the topic, some mums just feel they have a right to look down on anyone that parents differently to themselves.#

    I mind my own business – i wish other mums would do the same.

  • For the same reason working moms are judgmental about stay-at-home moms.

  • Baby boy arrived March 7th!

    When it comes to parenting choices, everything seems to be the target for “Judgemental Mommy Syndrome”, whether it be boob or bottle, cloth or disposeable, at home vs daycare, even how long you should confine yourself to your home after having baby (my mother berated me that my son had a cold because I took him out of the house with me – he’s almost 6 weeks old, apparently I am not supposed to leave the house for 2 months to avoid germs). I think many moms in general feel the need to vehemently defend their choices as anything other than what they did could be seen as an admission of bad parenting! What works for one, does not work for others. A mom who finds herself a single parent has no choice but to work. I choose to work after my maternity leave is up as I want my son to be able to go to University with out thousands of dollars in student loans and be able to be involved in any activities he chooses. My brother disagrees with this as his wife stays home and I see what their kids are exposed to – no activities and they passed on a free trip to Mexico paid for by our parents as they did not want to get passports due to the cost. That is their choice and this is mine. I think what works for one, does not always work for others and is not a commentary on your commitment as a parent or how much you love your kids. It’s simply a choice and we need to be more supportive of each others ways of parenting! Thanks for letting me vent! Best wishes!

  • They are trying to assure themselves that they are doing what is right. By putting down others, they will feel better about themselves. I personally would go crazy staying home with a baby all day (dont get me wrong, i love my son) and living on half our budget lol. Other people love it and can afford it. I am confident in my decision, and i am sure they are confident in theirs so i try not to put down others. I hate when they try to put me down!

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